


Loved and Lost

by britchick101 (somebodyswatson)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 21:11:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somebodyswatson/pseuds/britchick101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. "They", whoever they are, are wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loved and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> For Grace.

They say that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but "they" always tend to be the people who are happily in love rather than the people who have just lost that one person they could happily have spent the rest of their lives with. "They" say it because they're trying to make us feel better. Well here's a piece of news for you; it doesn't.

"They" wouldn't say it if they knew how it felt. Hearing a laugh in the street that sounds so much like hers that you wander around aimlessly for half an hour trying to find her, because you  _heard_ her. Bursting into tears when someone says your name, because that's the tone she used when you did something that you knew you probably shouldn't, but did anyway, mostly just to see her reaction. Hearing the whisper of the wind and remembering how she used to whisper "I love you too" rather than "I love you" into your ear last thing at night, because she knew that's what you were thinking.

And it's worse, so much worse, when you knew what was going to happen before it happened. When you've had nightmares for years that she was dead, and you wake up in the morning, and still, after all this time manage to convince yourself that it  _was_  a dream, that she  _isn't_  gone, not yet, and it hits you all over again when you finally figure it out. It's mornings like that when you have to force yourself to stop picturing that moment, when she went away, died, and you just sat there, powerless to stop it.

You have to sit and look at the pile of technology in the corner, the useless junk, which could have saved her life, but didn't. You want to rage at it, to scream and shout and destroy it all, but you can't, because it was part of her, and it would mean you were destroying what little you have left. When memories are all you have, you can't take away the things that force you to remember.

Yes, they say it is better to have loved and lost. And I admit that loving you has been the highlight of my life, and even if you hadn't forbidden it, I wouldn't change a moment. But I'd rather live the rest of my life in cold indifference than go through this pain of losing you again. You've broken my hearts.

I miss you sweetie


End file.
